A Week at the Shore With Grammy and Papa

Or, "Some Words are Fun To Say - Part Deux"

A couple of years ago, we were in somewhat of a CONTEMPLATIVE mood, wondering what we could do to continue our tradition of creating happy family memories for our children ( aka: ANKLE BITERS, YARD APES, RUG RATS, NOSE MINERS….), Heather, DYM, Ace, Nantie Meg, and Bucklintine and their spice (plural of spouse), Code Man, DYD, Queen of Ace’s Heart and Invinceable, and our grandchildren Laylee, Magoo and the Bean, and adopted daughter Bowersita.

It dawned upon us that there was a PREPONDERANCE of evidence that some of our happiest family moments had happened while relaxing at the Jersey shore. We had Grammy’s family reunion coming up the 1st week of July, 2005, so we came up with the idea of inviting the kids ET AL, to the shore for that week..

After discussing how much this would all cost, we decided that we could pay for the house and some of the car rentals and food, but that any more than that would be a SUPERFLUOUS, amount of help, not to mention expensive.

Upon informing the kids, they responded with a PLETHORA of positive responses:

AWESOME!!
BODACIOUS!!
INCONCEIVABLE!!
SERENDIPITOUS!! (because it was so valuable and agreeable and yet not sought for.)
LAND ‘O GOSHEN!!! It’s the land of milk and Honey!
And my personal favorite: “Why Grammy and Papa, how PERSPICACIOUS of you to have the acute mental vision and discernment to realize what a wonderful time this will be for all of us”.

We’d never been called PERSPICACIOUS before.

With great anticipation we awaited the wonderful occasion. And finally it came.

Grammy and Papa and Nantie Meg ARROVE first, followed soon by a fine assortment of Sisters, Brother, NANTIES, NUNCLES, Grandchildren, car seats, pac’n’play’s, suitcases, toys, cameras, computers and various and assorted sundry items need to support a crew of this size.

And then it began… Oh the fun!… OODLES and OODLES of fun!!!!!

There was food:

CHICKEN, COOKIES, ADOBO, salads, Daddy eggs, soup, chips, and Cheese Steaks GALORE, GALORE I tell you, Cheese steaks GALORE!!! There were also HUMUNGUS quantities of Rita’s WOOTER ICE and GELATIS approaching GALORE status, consumed by all, but particularly the Code Man. There was fresh Jersey Corn and Tomatoes. We even offered some JUS DE PAMPLEMOUSE to Ace, but he stated that he would not DEIGN to soil his manly lips with such a CONCOCTION. I do believe there may have been some SUCOTASH served up, though DYM probably called it SUFFERIN SUCOTASH due to the lima beans it contains. She may have even said, “What the HIDEY HOOKEY are you trying to do to me? You know how I hate beans, especially those of the lima variety!” To which Grammy responded, “Don’t get PERSNICKETY with me! If you don’t like them, don’t eat them. There is more than an ELEGANT SUFFICIENCY of other stuff to eat. There were jelly filled doughnuts. When someone asked how they got the jelly inside the doughnut, Grammy said, “Why, I thought everyone knew that… They use a HYPODEEMIC NERDLE!” Needless to say, by the end of the week we were all completely SATIATED.

There was the Beach:

Sand, sea shells, seagulls, sunshine, salt, seaweed, crabs, fish of the GELATINOUS variety, and lots and lots of people in swimsuits. Let it be known that Papa had only eyes for Grammy and she for him, because as anyone can tell you, she is the EPITOME OF FEMININE PULCHRITUDE, and he is her one and only STUDMUFFIN!



There were waves. There was FROLICKING in the waves. There was the PLINK PLANK PLUNK sound of stones being dropped into the water. There were sandcastles built and destroyed by the waves and then rebuilt again. There were trips to the boardwalk, the mini-mall, the arcade, the NUT HOUSE. There were fireworks on the 4th of July. There were bike rides and romantic walks on the beach after dark. Whether there was any FROLICKING on those romantic walks, I cannot say.

There were Games:

Canasta, Hearts, Rook, Rummy, Quidler.

There were Pictures… Lots and Lots of Pictures, none of which can be shown without the proper waivers being given by the subjects of said pictures.

What there was not:

There was no PREPOSTEROUS behaviour.
There was no need or desire for anyone to practice the fine are of DEFNESTRATION on a sibling or other member of the family
No one had a MIOCARDIAL INFARCTION.
No one felt the need to say SHRIGANESH KERRER or DANGYOUJOHNWILSON.
We saw no streets that carried the name of SHAGANAPPI TRAIL.
No one was SANCTIMONIOUS, or a POPPINJAY or ROOD, R-O-O-D, ROOD.

In the end what there was mostly were Memories, many happy Memories, stronger family ties and perhaps a few tears at having to say goodbye.

Oh, and by the way, When you use LEDERHOSEN as a swimsut, especially in the ocean, the salt water makes them very stiff and they tend to cause the most awful chafing. Not that I have any personal experience in that regard.

P.S. Many thanks to those who contributed words that are fun to say in your comments on my previous post

B.S. Bingo... WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

If you've ever worked in the corporate world, you've probably heard of a wonderful game called B.S. Bingo. It consists of a standard bingo style card with overused corporate cliches that few normal people use in everyday conversation but are so pervasive in business circles as to be laughable. When you're in a meeting that just won't end, keep the card in front of you and when you have a Bingo, stand up and yell, "BULL......t!" I have actually seen people playing the game, but I've never seen anyone declare that they were a winner.... but it would sure make the meeting more interesting!

As many of you know, I work for a large multi-national oil and gas company and as you might suspect, there is no shortage of this type of language, but I think the following memo should win a prize as one of the best examples of Corporate BS that I've ever seen. This is the opening paragraph to an actual organization announcement that was issued in our company sometime in the past 15 years. I couldn't believe it at the time so I've kept a copy. I still can't understand it. If you can, you should probably keep it a secret because I'm pretty sure it means there's something seriously wrong with your brain.

Here it is:

ORGANIZATION BULLETIN

In order to re-focus our organization in alignment with our strategy and to provide for (name deleted) project completion, some changes are necessary in the organization. We will seek to enhance the infrastructure and geologic synergies of the OU's and OC's with life cycle synergies, and functional synergies will be enhanced, which will allow us to more effectively focus our personnel resources. This reduces the number of OU's and OC's, and provides better critical mass for our asset grouping. The Commercial group, responsible for functional excellence in the commercial homeroom, as well as Methanol, TransportationInfrastructure, and Oil and Gas sales for (country name deleted), will re realigned into the BD organization. The Graphics group will be realigned reporting to IM. Due to near term drilling activities and the need to more efficiently establish our next project utilizing (name delteted's) expertise, Extraction will be focused on this role. The following organization is effective as of ........:

(Names withheld to protect the identities of the poor schmoes who after reading the above nonsense, still had no clue as to what their new jobs were going to be)

I guess we all just have to figure things out as we go along.

Cheers!

Papa

Some Words Are Just Fun to Say

Take "Lederhosen" for example. I can't say Lederhosen without smiling, or almost giggling. It just conjures up silly images of grown men with knobby knees with leather hiking boots and knee-length wool sox with the cuffs turned down, and little William Tell hats with a feather stuck in the band, blowing on an alpen horn, or snogging on a bratwurst and quaffing a stein full of full bodied ale.

It's also fun to work it into conversations:

"Hang on to your Lederhosen, we're GOIN' IN ! , or

"Calm Down! Don't get your lederhosen in a knot!", or

"What should I wear today, my black biker lederhosen, or my brown Swiss mountain meadow Studmuffin lederhosen?"

Deter, here, went with the latter:



I'm also very glad that we kept the original German name with out translating it to English. "Leather trousers (shorts)" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

So, what are some of your favorite fun words to say? (No bad words, please!!!)

A Bedtime Story for Laylee, Magoo and the Bean

Once upon a time there was a Daring Young Mom and her Daring Husband, Daring Young Dad. Together, they were the Daring Duo. They had two darling children, Princess Laylee and Prince Magoo.

Princess Laylee had a special friend by the name of Ducky. But he was no ordinary Ducky - no, like every other member of this family, he was a Daring Ducky.

"Now, just what does a Daring Ducky do?", you might ask yourself. I know I have.

Well, a Daring Ducky does what anyone of the daring persuasion does: Daring Deeds. Here's a story about how Daring Ducky saves Princess Laylee and Prince Magoo from a horrible fate:

One day, Princess Laylee and Prince Magoo were in their home, playing hide and seek. Mostly Laylee was hiding and Magoo was seeking, but they were having a good time. There was much laughter, as Magoo would erupt into uncontrollable fits of joy when Laylee would jump out of her hiding place just before Magoo found her and say, "Peek-a-boo".

All of a sudden there was a knock at the door. Daring Young Mom went to the door and, forgetting to check through the peep hole first, opened it. She immediately jumped back at the sight that stood before her. It was a little woman, dressed in a black dress with a tall pointy hat. She had a green face with a long hooked nose with a giant wart on one side, and long straggly hair that fell over her shoulders like brittle straw.

"Wh, Wh, Who are you, and what do you want?" stammered Daring Young Mom, not feeling very daring at the moment.

"Well who do you think?" said the ugly visitor, "I'm Wanda, the Wicked Witch of the West, and I'm here to move in with you and your daring little family. I can't stay in Oz anymore after that water incident. Melting is not a fun thing to do, but I'm back now and I've been looking around, and I think this would be a wonderful place to live. By the way, you have very Chaaaarrrrmmming children."

Sensing danger, Daring Ducky, who had been watching the whole scene unfold from under the couch, leaped between Daring Young Mom and Wanda the Witch, and said, "Don't worry, I'll protect you and Laylee and Magoo." Locking the Witch in his gaze, he said, "If you want to get to them, you'll have to deal with me first. And I'm not about to let anyone, or anyTHING hurt my family".

"As you wish", said the Wicked Witch as she pulled out her wand and threw a bolt of lightning at the little Duck.

But Daring Ducky surprised everyone as he held up his wing as if it were a shield and the lightning bolt glanced harmlessly off.

The Witch was somewhat surprised, as were all of the Daring Family, because in their experience, Ducky had never been the least bit daring, in fact, they all thought that Darling Ducky didn't do didley. But what they failed to understand was that this was a double negative, and if Darling Ducky didn't do didley, then that meant he must do something, and what would that be? They were about to find out.

Ducky leapt into the air and flapping his stubby little wings, in his bill he grabbed the end of a ball of yarn that Daring Young Mom was going to knit into a sweater for Daring Young Dad, and flying faster than any of the astonished onlookers had ever seen he went round and round the Wicked Witch until her arms were tied helplessly to her sides. Then, tying it off in a dazzling areobatic manouver, he dropped to the ground in front of her and said, "I'll thank you not to even think about doing anything like that ever again."

The Wicked Witch was appropriatly humbled, and with her arms tied tightly to her sides, she didn't seem quite as scary. Daring Ducky looked at her and said, "Where did you say your were from?"

"I said I am the Wicked Witch of the West," said the Witch

"Yeah, yeah, I heard that, but WHERE are you FROM? What City?", said Ducky.

"Cleveland", said the Witch.

"AH HAH!!", cried Ducky, "I KNEW it!!! You're not from the WEST, you're from the EAST. And I'll bet you're not even that wicked! As easy as your were to tie up, I'll bet you're the Clumsy Clod from Cleveland. Or to the people up in Canada, you're probably known as the Silly Simpering Sourceress from the South.

Well, you can bet that this knocked the wind out of her sails. "Well", she said, "I had the people in New York convinced that I was the Wicked Witch of the West. Cleveland is west of New York, you know".

"Well, the sun may rise in the East, but it sets in the West, and we're about as far west as you can get in this country", said Ducky, "So I suggest you just quit trying to be somebody you're not, and try being nice for a change. You never know, your might like it."

Wanda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I'm really not a bad person. It's just that all of the kids in my neighborhood when Iwas growing up used to tease me about my nose, and the wart, and my green skin. I just never fit in and so I started casting spells and one thing led to another and here I am again, but I guess being tied up beats being melted. It was really nice of you not to throw water on me."

At this, Princess Laylee started to feel sorry for Wanda. She came out from behind Daring Young Mom and said, "Wanda, you can stay with us if you promise not to cast anymore spells or throw lightning bolts or mean stuff like that. We won't make fun of your nose or your green color. We are nice."

Well, you wouldn't believe what this did for Wanda. "You really mean it?", she asked, "You really do? Why, you and me and Magoo and Ducky could do all kinds of fun things together. We could play games, and go to the park and color pictures and blow bubbles and go for rides on my broom. It will be so fun!!!"

"And...", said Laylee, "Maybe sometimes you could make some ice cream with your magic wand. I like ice cream..... ALOT!"

"That would be fun", said Wanda, "but only if your Mom says it's OK".


And that is how Wanda the Wonderful (as she was known for ever more) came to live with the Daring Young Family. All because Darling Ducky wasn't afraid to do a Daring Deed!

Good night, sleep tight!

March 4th

If you're anything like most of us, if you did make any New Year's resolutions, you've probably broken them by now. I'm not sure I even started on any of mine. At any rate, I usually like to start a new resolution on some date that I can remember, so I'll know how long it took to break it, or maybe it's just that I want to put it off until next week..., my birthday...., my grandmother's wedding anniversary..., pretty much anytime that is not now.

Is anyone seeing a little of themselves here yet?

Yeah????

OK, so here's the deal. This Saturday is March 4th... No big deal, right?


WRONG!!!!!

March 4th is a great day to...

March 4th and conquer.

March 4th with courage.

March 4th with renewed determination to start over on those broken resolutions - or at least one of them.

March 4th from our pit of despair and into a bright new day.

March 4th shouting to the world that we will not give in to whatever it is that we always give in to.

March 4th shaking off the shackles that.... (Is anyone getting sick yet?..... I could go on....)

But I won't.

I think you get the picture


JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!! (March 4th)


P.S. If anyone has any bright ideas, I've already got dibs on May the 4th for my Star Wars tribute.